Juist Do it!

After receiving the life-changing news that I was accepted into circus school, I still had time before the school year would officially start. Knowing that I would have to stay put and not adhere to my sporadic nomadic impulses for the next few years, I decided that I would adventure until the absolute last moment that I could before my schooling began in Tilburg, Netherlands. As I was thinking of what could be my final bang, the answer came to me. The answer came to me through one of my beloved friends, Jannis. Jannis was a phenomenal juggler (and human) that I had met during auditions for "The Academy for Circus and Performance Arts" (ACAPA). We quickly resonated with each other and became friends. In a time when I felt so different from everyone (because I didn't know anything about circus), his friendship and warmth gave me much comfort during the audition process. We would become the type of friends that would comfortably say "I love you, man" to each other. Also, he would eventually help save my life... but that dramatic and heavy story is for later.

Jannis had connections to a circus company called "Dobbelino" (https://www.dobbelino.de) - a German company that would give me my first real taste of circus life. He asked me if I would like to join them for 10 days on the car-less island of Juist, Germany. The mission was to build up the tent, do a circus camp for the youth of the island, and then celebrate the end of the 10 days with performances (from the kids and from us). You already know what my answer was, right? "Fuck yeah!" This would be the perfect last adventure before heading to the Netherlands.

The people of "Dobbelino" were very welcoming to me. Instantly I felt accepted and like I was part of the team...the family. We spent the first few days on the island building up the circus tent, which if you don't know, is a big mission. Luckily, many of the village people assisted us. They were so thankful that we were coming to their quaint island, that they freely volunteered their time and energy to help us. Beautiful. I would find that this is normally the case for people all over the world. More often than not, people are grateful and open when it comes to welcoming us circus artists. Tent building is always exhausting, but oh so satisfying. My favorite job was (and still is) using the giant hammer to nail in the massive stakes into the ground. From what I remember it took us about three days. Three days of working from sun up to sun down. Sweating in the sun all day doing physical labor always reminds me of my childhood in Texas. In some ways, it's always nostalgic. Anyways. After the setup was complete, we celebrated by going out for pizza at a local restaurant. I remember two things. One: the satisfying victory dinner of having done a job well done. Two: I tried to get the number of the mesmerizing waitress that was serving us. I remember leaving her a message on a napkin that said, "If you want to meet me, come to the circus tent." She never showed up at the tent. In fact, I think she was a bit weirded out by me. I don't blame her. When it comes to women, if I can somehow objectively look at myself from the outside, my style is either alluring or completely repulsive. I think this girl was more on the repulsive side of the spectrum. Fair enough!

The week of workshops was an absolute thrill. I started each day with my personal flexibility/hand balance training followed by a run along the coast of the island. I always ended my runs with a visit to the local bakery, celebrating the commemoration of a new day with fresh warm German pastries (I could never choose just one!). I couldn't believe the life I was living; to me, it was an absolute dream. Nothing has changed since then. As I write this, I can still say the same. I am a lucky man... After my morning training, the kids from the town would start arriving at the tent. We were teaching them basic acrobatics, juggling, how to walk on tight wires, how to balance on giant balls (called 'globe walking'), etc. We were also preparing them for the show that they would present at the end of the week to everyone. My duty was to teach the kids basic acrobatics. The most fun part of this challenge was the fact that I knew zero German and that they knew zero English. Most of the time I was confused (another thing that still hasn't changed to this day). One way or another, we managed to communicate - mostly through smiles and laughter - the most universal language there is (except in the animal kingdom. One time I smiled at a monkey in Thailand and it responded by jumping at me and biting my left nipple. True story!).

Day by day, the kids developed their new skills and tricks, and day by day we built the show. The final day came to present their work (and ours) to the island. It was showtime! The popcorn machine was on full power, churning out an endless supply of crunchy corn delights. It seemed that the whole town had decided to come. The tent was filled to the brim like a cup of water that couldn't hold one more drop. The kids' performances were a hit. What a beautiful sight to see. The parents were amazed and proud, the kids were empowered. How could one not smile at the sheer cuteness overload? All involved were positively impacted. Then it came time for our individual solos. In total we had: a fire performer, diabolo, handbalacing, aerial silks, and clowning. In some weird way, I wasn't nervous. Which is strange because as I would continue on my performance journey in the years to come, I would develop intense stage anxiety. I think in this case ignorance was bliss. I had not developed an ego as a handbalancer and performer, therefore I had nothing to lose. I had nothing to prove to anybody nor myself. I was pure and untainted - just a naive performer enjoying the stage. I hope that one day I can find that state of mind again. I presented my handstand number called "How to Take a Seat", the same one I had practiced on the streets of Paris, the same one that had got me into circus school. It all went smooth. It was a momentous occasion for me. I had my first real taste of performing in a tent and now my soul would be consumed with desire. A desire that I'm still chasing today. A desire that I hope I can never catch up to. We don't always know the impact that a moment will have on our life until we look back on it - this was one of those moments.

As our 10 days on the island of Juist neared their end, I knew this was the life that I wanted. I knew I had finally found a path that made sense to me. It took a whole lot of searching, but in the end, I found my answer. "Gotta fuck around and find out." A silly quote. A powerful quote. A dabble of truth maybe? Anyways. The last important happening on Juist was a stunt I did on top of the tent. With the permission of the head boss, I climbed the roof of the tent and did a handstand on the tippity-top-top. It took many tries, but I managed to find my balance. With all the fear of falling, with the adrenaline coursing through my body, with everyone watching, with doubt peeking its ugly head, with all of it - I had a moment of equilibrium. Fear and I were able to hold hands and were able to create a moment of magic. To manage all of these sensations was the real trick. It's not the one-arm handstands, it's not the crazy positions that require infinite hours of training - no. It's the managing of one's inner self. That's the 

craziest trick of all.